I was contemplating on writing about the end of my breastfeeding journey with Romeo so I put it as a poll on my Instagram story and 76% of you said they wanted to hear about it so here goes. The reason I wasn't sure is because I don't feel like I can speak about it without being 100% raw and opening up to strangers and not knowing who will read this makes me a little uneasy but in saying that if another mamma reads my story and it gives them some sort of comfort knowing they weren't alone in a similiar situation then I guess it is worth it.
As you all know, I am a huge advocate for breast feeding because of it's many health benefits but also because of the bond it creates. The sweetest thing was watching him fall asleep drinking and playing with my hair and I already miss it.
When Rome turned one I decided to stop day feeds. This transition was difficult because he was one of those babies who would stay on there for ages not just for the milk but for the comfort which is a totally natural thing. Romeo also does not take a bottle so it wasn't like I could substitute the bottle for my boob. He had cut teeth right before his birthday and his nose was extremely blocked. He wanted to drink but he could not breathe and drink at the same time so that was the end of the day feeds. The cold kind of made it easier but there was a day and night of crying and it was a very emotional time for me as my hormones regulated but we got through it.
I decided to stop breastfeeding completely at 14 months for a few reasons. The main reason is my own health. I am struggling to put weight on pretty much since I had Romeo and I felt breastfeeding was taking a lot out of me. When I was pregnant I had Hyperemesis gravidarum (severe vomiting) and lost 12kg in the first trimester. I am very petite so 12kg is a lot. Of course I want more babies so my goal is to become as healthy and strong both physically and mentally before the next pregnancy for both my babies sake and my own. Another reason is I wasn't enjoying it as much as before and that's because Romeo would be on me for literally hours to go to sleep. I was feeling agitated because he would not get off me and I knew it was for comfort not milk. Breast feeding is meant to be enjoyable for the baby and yourself and I knew if I was beginning to become frustrated that it was time to stop.
Night 1:
After a week of him taking 3 hours to go to sleep I decided the next night would be the night I stopped. The approach I took was a bit different as I didn't want him to feel like I wasn't giving it to him. The idea came from my mother and my Nonna who did the same when we were weaned. I applied ground coffee beans on my nipples and still offered him milk. He took a mouthful and obviously was like whatttttttttttt is this and then just stared at my boobs for a bit and then was like ughhhh yuck. He was a bit upset. I talked to him and told him everything was fine and gave him lots of cuddles and washed his mouth and brushed his teeth and then he went downstairs and ate more dinner.
When he was really tired he obviously wanted more milk to sleep so I played piano and classical music (which I do every night- read more about the benefits of music here ) and rocked him and cuddled and kissed him. He was basically hysterical and both Jordan and I took it in turns to comfort him with loads of cuddles and kisses. I have no idea how long this went for because seconds felt like hours but he eventually fell asleep. Note : we co-sleep on most nights especially if he is unsettled or teething etc. During the day he sleeps in his own room.
That night was rough. He woke up a lot (maybe 10 or more times) and screamed and cried and I walked around with him and told him non-stop I loved him and he was safe and everything was ok. I offered him food and drink which he ate at about 1:30am and after that he settled and went back to sleep.
The hardest bit was when he didn't want me to cuddle or rock him. I felt he was angry with me and I felt like the worst mother in the world. I felt as if I had failed him by putting myself first. For 14 months he has come before me in every situation and I just felt like I was a terrible mother. I cried and I was so worried how he would be the next day.
Night 2:
At this stage I hadn't expressed because I thought there wouldn't be much milk because he was only on night feeds but how wrong I was. My boobs were so engorged and sooo painful so I expressed and tried the bottle. We stuck to the same routine of music and cuddles but this time I offered him a bottle with my milk. He drank about 90mls and slept a lot easier and better then the night before. He was still upset but went to sleep earlier and put up less of a fight.
Night 3:
Ok sooo I was thinking we just need to get through this night and then he will be fine. Um no. lol that was not the case. I tried the same routine of music and cuddles and rocking him as well as a bottle (with unsweetened almond milk as I didn't want to keep expressing and still produce milk) but I felt like he was more upset then the previous night. I also kept offering food and drink and he ate a lot more after dinner and drank heaps of water too then fell asleep.
Nights 4, 5 and 6 were the same routine except he basically didn't want any milk and gradually he started falling asleep earlier then the previous night.
Now, our routine is all lights off and the music playing. When he's starting to show signs of being tired Jordan or I walk around with him for a little bit and then he points to the bed and falls asleep. I still watch him fall asleep and he still plays with my hair. It has now been 15 days since he was weaned and it's like he doesn't even remember he was once on the boob.
From my experience I have learnt a few things and I hope it can also assist a reader.
- Next baby I will try weaning them more gradually as in cut down the time they are drinking. This did not work with Rome but maybe the next one it will.
- I should have offered the bottle on the first night with expressed milk. I regret that.
- I am happy I made sure all his needs were covered and he was comfortable eg: wasn't hungry or thirsty and I spoke to him with love and compassion throughout the process. This made us both feel better I believe.
- There is no shame in doing something for your own health. I am very emotional in general and I knew my hormones were going nuts with the change too so looking back I can say to myself I am not a terrible mother- I am actually great.
- It is important to have the support of your partner, family or friends. I am blessed to have many beautiful people in my life especially my husband who was there for me (and Romeo) every step of the way.
Much love,
The Designer Hippy
xx
Note: date of positing 25th October, 2017